Who am I?!

Who am I?!

This is the question I’ve asked myself the most in life. Yet, I’ve never been able to find a definitive answer.

In childhood, the answer was simple. To the question “Who am I?”, I would reply with my name. Ah, simple and beautiful. In adolescence, the answer expanded to include my parents and family name. I felt the clarity in my answer had increased.

However, as I entered youth and began to ask myself this question, I started feeling the clarity diminish. Who am I?! If asked who I am, I would say, “I’m me. Who else?” But even then, it didn’t feel like the answer. Who am I?

To search—that’s the only way to find answers, isn’t it? “Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” So, I began my search.

There was no doubt where to begin. From within myself. In the quietest hours, I started seeking deep within my heart. From there, the search extended to printed books. I couldn’t grasp the answer from them either. I couldn’t even find a mentor capable of echoing my question back to me.

The search continued, driven only by the echo in my heart urging me forward. Somewhere, the answer must exist. That belief keeps me searching, still wandering, hoping the answer to my question might be hidden somewhere.

I don’t know—some questions take time to be answered. A one-word question begins to expand its scope further and further. Who am I?! What is my essence? What is my purpose? Will I ever glimpse the light of those answers?

It seems those who’ve asked themselves these same questions either became enlightened or went mad. I wonder what I’ll become in the end—a Buddha or a madman? Whoever I become, I hope a faint smile remains at the end—the smile of realization.

Who am I? Let the question persist.

This is a translated version of my Malayalam writing, translated with the help of ChatGPT.